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Can you hear me now? Ghhh! At first I thought it was because I went over my minutes.Ī: It’s okay. J: So, Achmed, What exactly happen to you?Ī: Well, I was getting gasoline and I answered my cell phone. you know what that’s like, right? Mister Hurricane? I set the timer for 30 minutes, but it went off in 4 seconds. That was dark, was it not?Ī: Oh, if you must know, I am a horrible suicide bomber.Ī: I had a premature detonation. J: You know, like looking for a few good men.Ī: We’re looking for some idionts with no future.Ī: The suicide hotline. J: So look, as a suicide bomber, have you had a training?Ī: Of course we had the suicide bomber training camp.Ī: New guy. J: You can’t tell jokes like that, it offenses people.Ī: Oh… I’m dead, what do I care? What do you want me to do? Knock-knock jokes? Yes yes, I did the same thing with two catholic priests, but I tossed a small boy! Yes yes, and the winner had to fight Michael Jackson.
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J: No, what I mean is I don’t want racist jokes in my act.Ī: Oh, okay how about if I kill the jews? No, I’m kidding I wouldn’t kill the jews … No … I would toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death! Hahahahaha. Okay, here’s another one: Two jews walk in a bar…Ī: What? What you don’t let jews in your bar? You racist bastard! J: Look, if you’ve been in my suitcase all this time, how have you been getting through security at the airports?Ī: Oh that’s easy! They open the suitcase and I go: Helloooo, I am Lindsay Lohan! Hahaha, I told another joke. J: So, listen Achmed, where did you come from?Ī: Your freaking suitcase. J: Did they say it would be only female virgins?Ī: Holy crap! … Wait, I could have Clay Aiken. J: All right, listen Achmed, I have something to tell you.Ī: Wait, if I’m dead, that means I get my 72 virgins! Are you my virgins? I hope not!Ī: There’s a bunch of ugly ass guys out here. Please do not put me back in the same suitcase!Ī: He has gas, Saddam’s mustard gas is nothing compared to Walter fart. J: All right just hold on, we’ll fix this.Ī: Okay, wait, what are you doing? Holy crap I’m in the air … I need some ligaments.Ī: He scares the crap out of me. Silence, I kill you! … What the hell happened to my feet? … Son of the bitch… what the hell… wait a minute… what re you doing……. J: So, Achmed if you’re a terrorist I would supposed you have some sorts of specialty.Ī: It’s a flesh wound. Silence, I kill you!Ī: Oh, let’s see, A-C-FLEMCH… Silence, I kill you! … Silence, I kill you!Ī: No, you said Akhmed, it’s Achmed, chchchchch. A: A terrifying… terrorist… Are you scared?Ī: God damn it… Oh.